M A R U J A

"MANY PEOPLE SPEND THEIR LIVES TRYING TO CREATE A LASTING LEGACY ON EARTH. THEY WANT TO BE REMEMBERED WHEN THEY’RE GONE. YET,WHAT ULTIMATELY MATTERS MOST WILL NOT BE WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT YOUR LIFE BUT WHAT GOD SAYS. WHAT PEOPLE FAIL TO REALIZE IS THAT ALL ACHIEVEMENTS ARE EVENTUALLY SURPASSED, RECORDS ARE BROKEN, REPUTATIONS FADE, AND TRIBUTES ARE FORGOTTEN. LIVING TO CREATE AN EARTHLY LEGACY IS A SHORT-SIGHTED GOAL. A WISER USE OF TIME IS TO BUILD AN ETERNAL LEGACY. YOU WEREN’T PUT ON EARTH TO BE REMEMBERED. YOU WERE PUT HERE TO PREPARE FOR ETERNITY "- The Purpose Driven LIfe by Rick Warren

• i have told u this already… that i wasn’t even looking - but there you were. whenever you’re online it feels like am with strong arms that hold me close when i needed it, with broad shoulders for me to cry on, and a bright smile that seemed to say "Welcome Home" to a place I didn’t even know i was going, a place i am so grateful to have found. I would have been looking for someone with a sense of humor like yours, one that can lift me up out of a blue moode, one that laughs at my stories no matter how baduy. Sometimes I feel sad or even feel mad…but when i realize that i have you in my life…wala lang! I just smile and say, graaaveeeh! ang sarap ng may "ikaw sa buhay ko!" Hun, i never intended to be the most special person in your life - i know that’s  too much  to ask. I just hope that whenever you don’t see me online… you’ll say…"nakaka miss din pala talaga si Maruja".

My life is so predictable
Never any mystery
But ever since you shined the light
All of that was history
Now i have a hand to hold
And a reason to believe
There’s someone in my life worth living for
I was hanging around just wishing on a star
To put the happiness back in my heart and…

You…you put the blue back in the sky
You put the rainbow in my eyes
The silver lining in my prayers
And now there’s colour everywhere
You put the red back in the rules
Just when i needed it the most
You came along to show you care
And now there’s colour everywhere

see full lyrics

…if i were given the opportunity na maikama este makasama ka for just one night… di ako matutulog! i will just stare at you… watch you sleep… and hold your hand tenderly… as i say to myself " tumutulo pala laway neto pag natutulog".

    How do i love thee?
Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of evryday’s
Most quiet need by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise,
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love i seemed to lose
With my lost saints -i love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!- and if God choose
I shall but love the better after death.

…you’re my favorite habit now! Just thinking about you perks me up like my morning cup of coffee. Talking to you is like humming my favorite song.

Knowing you’re there for me is like the reassuring weight of my most comfortable sweater. I hope u came for a reason, and hope will stay for many seasons…and a lifetime?

…you don’t have to define nor put a name on me so to understand me. I am not here to be understood. I am not a word to be in a dictionary so to make me meaningful. So what if i have my photos blasted into cyberspace? It’s there not because I think other people care! So what if i bare myself? Will u please stop stroking your own ego at my own expense? Why don’t you work on your self-esteem instead, and not waste your time with your "u-should-be-self-respecting" commentary on me, idiot! See, this is not The 700 Club… its a fucking chat room! Neither I think about if u believe that the world is so perfect that everything is either pitch black or pure white… all I care is that I don’t accept as true that being different and weird is WRONG!

…u know i couldn’t do all the giving all the time and u all the taking. I can dry run too, and get tired of the constant reaching out. Ganito na lang ba tayo lagi? No hopes, no promises, no commitments, no reasons, no nothing? Nah!

HMMNNN… ANOTHER LAZY DAY. I GUESS THERE’S A NEED TO GET USED TO THIS FEELING WHEN THERE ARE TIMES IN A WOMAN’S LIFE WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE VENUS DE MILO, WHERE SHE HAS MEN DANGLING LEFT AND RIGHT; AND THERE ARE TIMES WHEN SHE FEEL LIKE A REGULAR JANE DOE WHOM NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT. UGH! HEHEHE! BUT AM NOT A LIITLE GIRL ANYMORE DREAMING OF AN EXCITING AFFAIR. I AM A WOMAN NOW. A WOMAN ON THE OUTSIDE AND A CHILD WITHIN…STILL HOPING FOR UNREACHABLE THINGS. 

 Dearest_______aka Maruja,

You’re really something, do u know that? And in spite of whatever may happen in your day, you are going to stay that way: trying and giving and living life in the best way you know how. So keep your spirits up, and keep things in perspective. It’s going to be okay.

You’ve made it through difficult things before, right? And you always land on your feet. Maybe not dancing, maybe not always sure about what to do next. But you always manage to figure things out. Especially, when you’re able to keep your sense of humor and not loose your smile.

If you really think about it, you’ll realize that you are a very strong individual. Someone who may not have all the answers, but who is at least willing to hope and try and believe. You can see your way through just about anything; it all depends on how you look at it. And when I look at you, I see someone who really is… pretty amazing.

So keep your spirits up! Everything’s going to work out fine.

(greeting card dated 2-April-2005 from a former classmate now based in Canada)